Friday, March 13, 2009

The Lenny Music Diet

I met Lenny in January. There was music - cool, relaxing, happy, music. There was She's A Rainbow (the Rolling Stones), I'm Yours (Jason Mraz), You (Wes Young), Whole Wide World (Ben Elys Radio 5), Wohoo/Song 2 (Blur), and more.

There was the music on my MP3 when I took the train to our first date, I particularly remember Mercy (Duffy).

The first time he sent me an email addressed 'Hey Babe' I was singing Aint No Other Man (Christina Aguilera).

I didn't have to worry about what I said to Lenny, you know some guys you have to make sure you don't look clucky around babies, or ogle rings in shop windows. Lenny talked about doing things months ahead in our future, including going camping at Easter, and doing the city to surf fun run together late this year.

Then it was time to tell him that I am bipolar, he seemed fine, we were sitting on a bench by the water, he didn't ask me any questions though which in retrospect is unusual. Most people have questions even if they are shocked or alarmed by the news. We stayed there talking a while longer then it was time for him to take me home so he could drive the long way north to where he lives. When we parted it was just a quick kiss on the cheek, and I didn't think about it until I was out of the car, then I wanted to hop in and give him a proper kiss goodbye.

So he hadn't been gone long when I texted him 'I wish I'd kissed you properly when I had the chance' I thought that might almost make him turn around and come back (mostly that is my experience) but I got a text back saying 'Nevermind' that was it, just the one word.

The next day I texted him to thank him for the fish he had given me, I had cooked it up for the family and after we had all enjoyed it I texted him a quick thanks. No reply. I started to have that little nervous feeling but put it aside.

By Thursday I hadn't had a phone call, a text, or an email (very unusual for us) I thought back to the conversation we had with a really bad feeling. Lots of sad music, and staring at the photo of him on the bench by the water, ironically where things came undone.

Friday was his birthday, I emailed him a special greeting, nothing, and no hint of him making plans around the idea of us going to the Mandurah Crab Fest together.... no thanks for my birthday wishes, and I had made him a card I now looked at with a feeling I would never get the chance to give it to him.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday - the full Bridget Jones-underwear-singing 'All By Myself' and eating donuts-black hole. There may also have been some Toni Braxton 'Never Breathe Again', Ella Fitzgerald 'Someone to Watch Over Me', and 'The Greatest' by Cat Power. But as a measure of my coping I'd like to point out I didn't sing Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares To You'.

Monday - officially a week of silence, I felt officially desserted now, and Brandi Carlile's 'The Story' was a big hit. Really helps get the pain out that's for sure. Ate nine iced donuts in 24 hours.

Tuesday to Now - new music to mope to including Why Are You Leaving Me Behind (David Hopkins) and Selfish Goodbye (can't remember who now, forgive).

So there you have it, the music and donut diet.


  1. I think you have handled the situation calmly and adult like....
    Now if it was me I would have sent him an email wanting an explanation of his behaviour....
    As I said before Nat plenty more nice guys out there who would jump at the chance to be with a nice girl like yourself.....

  2. Hi Mandy, I did send him a goodbye email but it was very dignified, I simply told him I thought he was big enough to tell me if he had any concerns etc and I told him for the future benefit of girls he meets, and to reflect well on himself, that he should at least send a goodbye message wishing a person luck etc.

    Well anyway, I have some other potential guys on the horizon and I am moving along quite well I do plan to stay in my PJs today, read my book, and eat chips.... then after the weekend it is back to exercise and good food.

    Thanks for all the kind words and support, xxx Starry