The Lenny Music Diet

I met Lenny in January. There was music - cool, relaxing, happy, music. There was She's A Rainbow (the Rolling Stones), I'm Yours (Jason Mraz), You (Wes Young), Whole Wide World (Ben Elys Radio 5), Wohoo/Song 2 (Blur), and more.

There was the music on my MP3 when I took the train to our first date, I particularly remember Mercy (Duffy).

The first time he sent me an email addressed 'Hey Babe' I was singing Aint No Other Man (Christina Aguilera).

I didn't have to worry about what I said to Lenny, you know some guys you have to make sure you don't look clucky around babies, or ogle rings in shop windows. Lenny talked about doing things months ahead in our future, including going camping at Easter, and doing the city to surf fun run together late this year.

Then it was time to tell him that I am bipolar, he seemed fine, we were sitting on a bench by the water, he didn't ask me any questions though which in retrospect is unusual. Most people have questions even if they are shocked or alarmed by the news. We stayed there talking a while longer then it was time for him to take me home so he could drive the long way north to where he lives. When we parted it was just a quick kiss on the cheek, and I didn't think about it until I was out of the car, then I wanted to hop in and give him a proper kiss goodbye.

So he hadn't been gone long when I texted him 'I wish I'd kissed you properly when I had the chance' I thought that might almost make him turn around and come back (mostly that is my experience) but I got a text back saying 'Nevermind' that was it, just the one word.

The next day I texted him to thank him for the fish he had given me, I had cooked it up for the family and after we had all enjoyed it I texted him a quick thanks. No reply. I started to have that little nervous feeling but put it aside.

By Thursday I hadn't had a phone call, a text, or an email (very unusual for us) I thought back to the conversation we had with a really bad feeling. Lots of sad music, and staring at the photo of him on the bench by the water, ironically where things came undone.

Friday was his birthday, I emailed him a special greeting, nothing, and no hint of him making plans around the idea of us going to the Mandurah Crab Fest together.... no thanks for my birthday wishes, and I had made him a card I now looked at with a feeling I would never get the chance to give it to him.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday - the full Bridget Jones-underwear-singing 'All By Myself' and eating donuts-black hole. There may also have been some Toni Braxton 'Never Breathe Again', Ella Fitzgerald 'Someone to Watch Over Me', and 'The Greatest' by Cat Power. But as a measure of my coping I'd like to point out I didn't sing Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares To You'.

Monday - officially a week of silence, I felt officially desserted now, and Brandi Carlile's 'The Story' was a big hit. Really helps get the pain out that's for sure. Ate nine iced donuts in 24 hours.

Tuesday to Now - new music to mope to including Why Are You Leaving Me Behind (David Hopkins) and Selfish Goodbye (can't remember who now, forgive).

So there you have it, the music and donut diet.

Chase The Light

Song of the Day = Chase the Light by Jimmy Eat World.

Just found this song today, I had gone to a music site to get a copy of Pain by Jimmy Eat World, so what the hey, might as well check out the other songs they have.... quite a few right up my alley by the sounds of things. I also liked Drugs or Me, and Night Drive.

Free iLike music downloads

Oh I am sad again, my favourite guy Lenny seems to be leaving me behind (without a word of goodbye) so hear are the songs I have downloaded from ilike music for free, the ones that soothe me and also help with the small amount of weeping and moping I need to do before I move on.

These are great little ballads if you are in the market for some free emerging artist songs.

The Greatest, by Cat Power

Blackbird Fly Away, by Serena Matthews

In The Air, by Machelli

Koyaanisqatsi, by Chris Moulyneux

Be Who You Are, by Queenie

The Alternate World Waltz, by Lisa DeBenedictis

Truth In The Unseen, by Miasma

The Rose Pipe Set, by TamLyn

Northshore Music Therapist, by The Main Drag

Better, by Sergius Gregory

Lost and Lonely, by Sean Cox

I Will Be Grateful For This Day, by Bright Eyes


You can also get some very obscure but promising music downloads for free from mule music downloads, and I found some of the above artists there, and there are music genres i have not even heard of like 'shoegaze' I have no idea what that is, but it is a great site for finding your own little treasures. If you want to feel like a taste-maker, get ahead of the record store by using free sites like mule music and ilike and feel super cool.

Here Comes The Sun

Nina Simone, "Here Comes The Sun", there it is, happiness creeping in, rays of hope starting to emerge. I hope the feelings this song bring to me are beginning to seap in to the hearts of all who are suffering as a result of the Victorian fires.

Healing warmth, the sun on my face, not scorching sun, not heat that reminds us of fire and burning, but gentle caresses of the dawn or perhaps a pretty sunset. A moment of freedom from stress, to observe that the world is still a beautiful place. To think it is possible to one day (hopefully soon) feel safe again. To feel loved and supported.

My love is moving through the song, I push it with my spirit to reach the ones who need it most.

I hope you will soon have cause to know, the sun also rises.

Yay, A Music Player!

I finally got a free music player for the blog that plays more than samples, plays the whole song. So happy about that and have started loading already. As you can see I am in a somewhat alternative mood, I love my quirky music that puts me in a bursting mood - bursting with something, I don't know what. Energy? Excitement? Happiness? Wierdness? All of the above?

This is one side of my personality, the softer, girlier side can be heard on Easy Giving 101 I just had the sweetest time last night loading that one up.

Now if only this player had copies of Eskimo Joe's Planet Earth and Older Than You, they are my crush songs, I get manic when I hear them, so delightful I can't express! Hmm music, you had me at hello.

Adam Sandler Knows What I Mean

I have a raging cold, my nose and ears are on fire, and all that I have going through my head is Adam Sandler's song from The Wedding Singer "put a bullet in my head, I want to die, Oh kill me, kill me, I want to die". Too black? It was a comedy. I know what he means, he knows what I mean, we are in a dark corridor of resounding laughter, and moaning.

The Java Jive

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me, coffee and tea and the java and me, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup!" I have this old coffee house song stuck in my head and it makes me so happy I am giddy. Who can be depressed with this running through their head? I thought of it for the first time in years and looked it up on bigpond music, there it was Manhattan Transfer, The Java Jive, $1.48. Bargain. I am happy like a child.